August 1, 2009

Plausible Undeniability

Filed under: Memoirish Essays

spooky

Because I grew up in a bland, East Coast suburb far removed from my Midwestern roots, I rarely met any of my extended family members.  Of course, since the invention of the automobile and the airplane, geographical distance only goes so far in explaining the relative dearth of family connections experienced by people such as myself.  A certain degree of emotional distance is also to blame. In the case of my parents, this emotional divide was in part the product of self-imposed, alcoholic isolation.  Beyond that detail, however, was the fact that the families of my mother and father were unlikely to view one another with any real sense of familiarity, let alone friendliness.

Although neither side of my family was exactly over-populated by cosmopolitan over-achievers, at least my mother’s side included a few professional musicians and artists who lived in real cities like New York.  My father’s family, in contrast, was more likely to include professional railroad and carnival workers in Wichita.  When my mom’s brother would visit us and we’d all go out to dinner, chances were that he’d wear a well-tailored suit.  My dad’s sister, on the other hand, was more inclined to head to the restaurant in her fuzzy pink bath slippers.  It was habits like these that bespoke a gaping chasm in world view within my extended family unit…

Read the Rest in Spooky Action at a Distance

July 6, 2009

Imaginary Friends

clockwise1

I was a bland and humorless child.  The causes of this condition are legion.  Start with the combed-over, slicked-down hair, parted just above my left ear and extending in a single horrifying mass all the way to my right ear.  Throw in debilitating shyness, paralyzing social anxiety, and a genetic inability to catch, hit, throw, or run while holding a ball of any kind, and you have the makings of one sorry specimen of American boyhood—me.  And it was all down hill as I made my way into an awkward adolescence and dysfunctional young adulthood: glasses with lenses as thick as bricks, volcanic pustules of cystic acne, and a nearly terminal case of protracted virginity.

As if I didn’t have enough somatic and psychological barriers separating me from the rest of humanity, I also had the misfortune of being born to parents who refused to lie to me.  From the moment I was old enough to ask questions, they heartlessly provided me with real answers.  “Where do babies come from?”  “Who puts the presents under the Christmas tree?”  No stork or Santa Claus; just sexual intercourse and rampant consumerism.  Like a little missionary, I brought my joyless brand of objectivity to the juvenile masses…

Read the rest in the Clockwise Cat

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Copyright 2008-2011 by Gil A. Waters.